I don’t know about you but I have my limits.

Up until now, I’ve been able to cope.

Not anymore.

(Warning. There will be VENTING.)

Global Pandemic? Covid 19? They call it a “novel virus” for a reason — it’s new, i.e. novel, and it’s lasting longer than War and Peace. So we’re to be forgiven as a world if we’re taking a minute to get up to speed (although it would help if you would all WEAR A FACE MASK!)

Incompetence At The Top? Let’s face it — who hasn’t had an incompetent boss? Seriously, aren’t most bosses incompetent? Whether it’s the Peter Principle (you’re promoted one level past the level you can handle) or just bad luck, nobody’s at home in the Situation Room and we’ve got one helluva situation so there you go. Eventually the boss will flame out and be replaced and we’ll have a whole new set of problems and we’ve all been there done that.

Social Distancing? Has its merits. Who doesn’t want to turn down that invitation to a potluck gabfest with people you just can’t stand? As for the lack of hugs? That’s why they invented Teddy bears. (If you haven’t figured out I’m in an atrocious mood, there’s your clue.)

Missing Your Family? Well there’s family you miss and family you… see “Merits of Social Distancing” above. As for the family you miss, they are no doubt somewhere they can TURN THE FORKING LIGHTS ON! So good for them!

(Deep breath, Elizabeth.)

(Forgive me. I’m typing against a clock. The power on my computer runs out and it’s bye bye column.)

(37%)

Racism Rebounding? When did it ever go away? When my Swedish grandfather was in a position to hire staff at a building he was running during The Last Depression, he wasn’t even allowed to hire Irishmen or Italians let alone anyone who was Hispanic or Asian or Black.

It all goes back to the Scala Natura, a handy invention that sorted everything into a hierarchy from invertebrates (although they probably called them Teeny Tiny Creatures way back then AND NO I CAN’T GIVE YOU THE DATE BECAUSE MY PHONE DIED!) up through mammals and humans and finally Clergy and the King — i.e. white men — who were next in line behind the Archangels who waited on God. So it’s baked in.

Which doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. Now that we’re in The Next Depression and the powers that be have decided they’re tired of handing out money to folks who need it, all bets are off. We’re about a month away, i.e. one more month that too many folks can’t pay rent or feed their kids, before hundreds of thousands of people will be evicted and sent into the streets DURING A PANDEMIC! My guess is it’ll make the French Revolution look like a rave.

(23%)

Did I mention that there are no streetlights in a lot of these streets? And lines of cars waiting to cross intersections to get to stores where THEY HAVE NO MORE ICE!

It’s only a matter of time before the gangs of grimy men with hatchets (hereinafter known as GOGMWH) take over the streets.

Back when we had lights — shall we call it the Enlightened Age? Ha! Way back when, when the TV worked and there was such a thing as the Inter-Net, we rewatched Children of Men for kicks and giggles. Remember it? I can’t tell you the exact date it was released BECAUSE MY PHONE DIED and I have NO FORKING MEMORY, which I can’t blame on any of the above but long long ago when Children of Men was made, the Refugee Crisis was in full bloom (see Incompetence at the Top). And also the Environmental Crisis, which, God Bless, is still with us. Although they tell me that the Grounding of the Airlines and Lack of Commuting to Disappearing Jobs at Suddenly Failing Companies has actually helped the Tattered Ozone Layer a bit. So Yay for Covid!

But back to Children of Men. If we ever get the FORKING LIGHTS BACK, watch it. It’s amazing how prescient it was. Life had degraded into a sort of functional dystopia with people skirting random bombings to get to work at thankless jobs where, yes, Incompetence At The Top made things miserable and where you’d use any excuse for a day in the country and a catch-up with the Family You Love. Oh and everyone’s infertile because of the Environmental Crisis and half the population has been rounded up and thrown in pens because they’re Refugees running from something even worse.

Sound familiar?

Just wait.

Twenty minutes in and it’s GOGMWH.

I have to say I’m really nervous about the GOGMWH part. These are of course human beings who’ve been pushed past their limit and are desperate for food and shelter. And we’re not that far away. We push hundreds of thousands of people into the streets? With an infrastructure that hasn’t been updated or maintained for decades (e.g. Bridges Collapsing and Waste Pipes Exploding and Sewage Spewing into the Sound)? And we turn the corner from Miserable But Semi-Functional Decaying Society into Dystopia.

And then what?

In Children of Men, the rich holed up in their retreats, taking all the good art with them, and the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves.

(18%)

Did you ever watch Survival? It was an infuriating but addicting series where they put a carefully cast group of people on a picturesque island with nothing but their artful undies and let them have at each other as they scrambled to find food and shelter. What really struck me was how quickly it became apparent that in a situation where intellect was trumped by brute strength, the women were immediately disenfranchised and left to resort to manipulation and seduction. Same for the less than brutish men. It was cave man days.

And that’s where we’re headed if we don’t get our SHIRTS together and fast.

(7%)

Time to Count Your Blessings, Elizabeth.

Okay, no news last night and the night before that and this morning. Is a good thing. Except when the world is collapsing and you want to know WHAT THE FORK IS GOING ON.

Playing cards by the kerosene lamp. Is not as romantic as it sounds. Especially when your husband is coiled and ready to rumble because his phone has died and IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

Going to bed at nine o’clock BECAUSE THERE’S NO FORKING LIGHTS! I haven’t been to bed before nine in 97 years and I can tell you right now I’m willing to do it once in a while. I actually slept ten hours.

But that’s also because I spent the afternoon sawing tree branches and raking leaves and cleaning up my DEMOLISHED GARDEN because TROPICAL STORM!

And don’t get me started on NOISE! Between the chainsaws and the woodchippers and the generators, I’m about to go for the knives.

But not until I take a COLD SHOWER!

(Deep Breath…)

(Interrupted by husband who’s been out in the car so he can get Wi-Fi and hurries in to announce that he just got an email that said that Water Use is now Restricted —)

GOGMWH come and get me! I’m done —

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